Hit a little turbulence in the jetstream of life today, so I’m feeling angry at the world about it. I didn’t get into the course I applied for. I remind myself that my expectations are often unrealistic and my timeframes always on the cheeky side of ‘I want it all now’.

Tangentially, it led me to the following line of thought (warning, rambling may ensue):

Novel publication, no matter how amateurish the venue, and despite a lack of an advance, let alone an industry pro standard advance, will always, always win out over an equal weight of short story credits, even if they happen to be pro or well-respected venues.

Two novels, even small press e-books, will gain the attention of an academic every time over twenty short stories. Novels are the show-ponies – Short stories are the toy poodles with the pink ribbons. Novels are the cool concept cars at the Motor Show, whether they’re duds or not – Short stories are the Volvos and scooters. I’m running out of vague analogies, but I’m sure you get the point.

The whole novel v short story thing gets my goat, it really does. You’d think with modern attention spans as they are, people would flock back to short stories over ponderous novels, wouldn’t ya? Apparently not.

Well, I thought I’d been pumping truckloads of good karma out into the world recently, but obviously my expectations became all tangled up in it all somewhere. I guess I have to be Zen about it, let go of my expectations and attachments to the world, and see where that gets me.

Speaking of which, all I wanted for Christmas was a couple of Shadow Box reviews to show the Americans when Stoker Award recommendations were taking place. It’s no one’s fault at all, everyone has a different schedule etc., but I do think it’s life/the universe telling me something. Me, all the projects, everything – it’s obviously too much too soon, or I’m pushing too hard, too soon, whichever. So perhaps it’s for the best that this wish wasn’t granted. Perhaps I’m not ready to be in those circles just yet. Zen, karma, the whole package, they’re all telling me to slow down and be more realistic. *deep breath*