Confessions of a Grumpy Paladin

It’s been one of those days which has been both productive and sluggish. The Domestic God avatar returned, and with it came a spotless house. Several other domestically related things also fell our way today, such as Ange’s old marriage certificate arriving surpisingly early from Tasmania, and Jacqui’s birthday present arriving from an even more outlandish locale (can’t give too much away on that one – but I know she’ll love it).

Yet in many other ways, I remained mired in Unproductivesville. Between staring at blank computer screens, waiting for emails to say ‘Hey, we’ve accepted your story – isn’t that cool!?” and folding towels, I did manage to thoroughly edit Blasphemy on Eight Wheels. I’m much happier with the story now. Most (if not all) the clunky sentences I wrote in the wee hours have been altered or eradicated, and the skiny bits have received a healthy dose of flesh. I expect I’ll send the story off to the KSP comp before we go overseas.

I also attacked Alley of Dead Whores, although I’m finding it slow going. Whereas a story like Blasphemy leapt forth fully formed, like Athena’s gruesome birth from almighty Zeus’ head, Alley is a story I have to grind out. One I wanted to tell, but wasn’t sure how to tell it. It’s now sitting at about 3000 words. It looks like it will easily be 4000, perhaps as high as 6000. That depends on whether inspiration strikes.

Ange and I had a bit of a discussion, heated in parts, this afternoon. Lately I seem to be getting defensive. It’s a chicken and egg scenario – am I being questioned more lately? or has everything else been the same but I am just reacting differently? Perhaps both are true. In the end, I realised my internalised, idealised picture of myself is quite wrong. In many ways, the idealised me is an honourable paladin, one with strict moral codes and values. On the more realistic side, I became aware that I can be grumpy – someone whom the family does deals around. It’s very disappointing to acknowledge you’re like that, but it’s an impression which is lingering, at least with my immediate family (everyone else thinks I’m just wonderful, poor fools). All I can say is with awareness, comes empowerment.

Now if only I can empower my keyboard to write some more of these damned stories, or perhaps a novel or two. That would be nice. *strokes computer like a kitten while vacantly staring at wall*